In her audio poem, ‘A Friendship Lost’, Lolly Spindler recalls the abrupt end to an important relationship and the feelings of shock, loss and loneliness that ensued.
Please note ‘A Friendship Lost’ was intended to be experienced as an audio piece; however, a transcript is provided below for anyone who is unable to access it:
A Friendship Lost
I took it for granted.
You were such an integral part of my life,
my community,
my sense of self,
that I never second-guessed the strength of our bond.
I didn’t realize it was so fragile;
that one small,
seemingly insignificant,
post
derived from love,
from missing you,
from wanting to bask in an ecstasy-filled memory,
would cost me your friendship.
Almost a decade has past
and I am still at a loss.
You never reached out,
you never rekindled,
and I – on the other side of the chasm –
paralyzed,
unable to move myself to move,
for fear of saying or doing something that would cost me even more.
For if a simple post could cost us something so precious,
something I thought was immovable,
a foundation,
a rock,
in what myriad ways could my words offend?
Maybe my estimation of our bond
was much higher than how it took root outside of my head,
my heart.
Maybe I was the only one who thought that, together, we could move mountains.
That whatever ocean came between us we could cross.
Because,
after nine years,
I am still a ship without a harbor,
desperate to find another port that feels like home.
About Lolly Spindler
Professional word slinger: poetry is my passion, content marketing pays the bills. I started dabbling in the written word at a young age. After some encouragement in the form of a few publications, I was officially bit by the writing bug—but never thought it would become my profession. Now I try to balance my passion for poetry and self expression with the written work I craft for my clients; a struggle at times, but ultimately rewarding. I’m also a travel addict, finding inspiration down every unexplored street and in each nook and cranny. I even decided to stay put in one of those crannies, now calling Mexico City home. For more information on Lolly’s work and to follow her online, click the links: Poetry blog, Spoken word page, Professional writing portfolio, Instagram, Twitter
This poem was commissioned for Disembodied Voices: Friendship during COVID-19
How we think of friendship, intimacy and closeness has radically altered during this period, perhaps irrevocably. Lockdown and quarantine has left us relishing time with friends and family, or dealing with feelings of isolation, anxiety and abandonment. WhatsApp, Zoom and social media are our new lifelines, changing the tone, register and channels through which we communicate. We’ve reached out to old friends and been turned away by new ones; rekindled old bonds and discarded others. There are friends who inspire and those who infuriate; there are relations we’ve failed and some who’ve come through for us, and shown love in a way we’ve never experienced before.
We wanted to curate a series of essays, interviews and stories on friendship, experienced during the time of COVID-19. We were keen to hear from marginalised perspectives, underrepresented voices and communities significantly impacted by the virus.
We were also open to submissions and pitches on the representation and concept of friendship more generally. How friendship is represented on television, film, and social media; in books, music and videos, before and during the pandemic, is also important and features in some of the work in Disembodied Voices.
For the full series, click here here.
Submissions are now closed for this series.
Aysha Abdulrazak and Samaya Kassim,
Guest Editors of Disembodied Voices.
Disembodied Voices Emblem by Banan Alkhazraj, who is co-creator of @bananabreadnco (BananaBread&Co) with Aysha Abdulrazak.
Feature image by Elisabetta Foco on Unsplash
