The courage it takes to own and inhabit a body in the face of others’ desires and actions is explored in these two compelling and beautifully written poems by Stephanie Neuerburg.
I. body poem
am i my body, i ask
is my brain my body
is my stomach my body
is my hair my eyes my kneecaps
is my heartbeat my body
instead of the word body i will try the word — MYSELF
is my brain MYSELF
is my stomach MYSELF
is my hair my eyes my kneecaps
is my heartbeat MYSELF
this is the only thing i’ve ever truly owned
gifted to me from a beautiful mother and a vengeful god i want to worship it
but i am afraid of the bravery it takes
to even raise my hands
[ i don’t want to be small
i want to be the biggest
i have ever been / and yet ]
b o d y, the word, feels like an alarm sounding help in the darkness
this is the part i like best, you whisper
your skin is so smooth, you whisper
please don’t tell anyone this happened, you whisper
II.
like a key in a key hole,
i dig around for whatever afterbirth might still remain, even now, decades after my
expulsion
in the bath i do nothing but hold
my stomach in my hands, folded and distant
like a fleshy third limb
my suitors and my acolytes don’t know the burden of my concaves and convexes
their misplaced envy like an invisible curse
i would eat every radish in the garden if i
had to even if it made me a stranger to my
parents
on the slushied street with you i wonder
when was the last time you held my stomach,
pressed it to your shoulder
or your breast
your apology like a spinner’s needle
like a hidden tower
or the long walk out of a dark wood
i forget sometimes how our stomachs were
tethered — are still —
through an invisible cord
cut by a man who, for a moment, had to take me away
from you in order to lay me back down
on your chest
About Stephanie Neuerburg
Stephanie Neuerburg is a writer and actor based in Chicago. Her poems have been featured in Okay Donkey, Dirt Children, and Lazy Women literary magazines. Her original play Science Night was a national finalist for the John Cauble Outstanding Short Play Award. For more information, visit www.stephanieneuerburg.com.
This poem was written as part of our latest mini-series, Our Body’s Bodies
Everything is written on the body – but what does it mean to write about our bodies in the era of Covid-19? And is it possible to write about bodily experiences in the face of such pervasive and continued violence? Using different modes of writing and art making, Lucy Writers presents a miniseries featuring creatives whose work, ideas and personal experiences explore embodiment, bodily agency, the liberties imposed on, taken with, or found in our bodies. Beginning from a position of multiplicity and intersectionality, our contributors explore their body’s bodies and the languages – visual, linguistic, aural, performance-based and otherwise – that have enabled them to express and reclaim different forms of (dis)embodiment in the last two years. Starting with the body(s), but going outwards to connect with encounters that (dis)connect us from the bodies of others – illness, accessibility, gender, race and class, work, and political and legal precedents and movements – Our Body’s Bodies seeks to shine a light on what we corporally share, as much as what we individually hold true to.
Bringing together work by artistic duo Kathryn Cutler-MacKenzie and Ben Caro, poet Emily Swettenham, writer and poet Elodie Rose Barnes, writer and researcher Georgia Poplett, writer and researcher Hannah Hutchings-Georgiou and many others, as well as interviews with and reviews of work by Elinor Cleghorn, Lucia Osbourne Crowley and Alice Hattrick, Lucy Writers brings together individual stories of what our bodies have endured, carried, suffered, surpassed, craved and even enjoyed, because…these bodies are my body; we are a many bodied being. Touch this one, you move them all, our bodies’ body.
We also welcome pitches and contributions from writers, artists, film-makers and researchers outside of the Lucy Writers’ community. Please enquire for book reviews too.
For submissions relating to trans and non-binary culture email dytorfrankie@gmail.com
For poetry submissions email elodierosebarnes@gmail.com
For reviews, non-fiction submissions, artwork and general enquiries email hannah.hutchings-georgiou.16@ucl.ac.uk
Submissions are open from 6 January 2022 until late March 2022.
For the full Call Out, click here.
Feature image: Judy Chicago, Birth Tear-Tear, 1985 (fair use)
